Certificate of Eternal Salvation

While every regular order comes with guaranteed Eternal Life and a digital certificate confirming your spot in the Place of the Holy Oaks, we know that some people want physical proof. If that's you then this printed Certificate of Eternal Salvation is for you. Frame it, keep it in your wallet, show it off to friends, put it on your nightstand or wherever you need a friendly reminder that you've already resolved the existential dread that used to keep you up at night.